The Malmaison – an overrated ‘dirty weekends’ hotel

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The Malmaison is a hotel that you don’t realise you don’t like till near the end of your stay. It sort of tries to be cute and ends up annoying you. So when I first arrived in I thought this is pretty trendy and moody. This is by far my favourite  hotel room so far.

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As the week went on though little things started to crop up. The first thing was the very cool toilet and sink were actually not so cool. They were designed in such a way as I could not get close enough to the mirror to put in my contact lenses or shave.

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The second thing was that the Malmaison is clearly branding itself as a dirty weekends hotel despite the inclusion of an advertisement downstairs inviting you to book a stay for your mother *shudders*. Throughout the hallways there are black and white pictures of women and men getting it on but in supposedly tasteful ways – like a woman’s nails digging into a man’s back or a woman starting to remove her underwear. (Which I suppose is fine – for one night!). The assault isn’t confined to the hallways though – inside the room the shampoo asks you are you ‘getting jiggly with the figgy?'(fig shampoo) and beside the minibar is a picture of a woman on top of a man stopping and saying wait let’s break and have refreshments. That and the ‘secret possessions’ bra somebody forgot to clean up from the last stay started to really get on my nerves.

The third thing was that the wifi kept cutting out and inviting you to sign back in via Facebook or gmail. A serious pain in the hole!

The fourth and final thing was the heading at the top of the bill titled ‘the damage’. This is supposed to be clever but actually is nothing to be getting smart about – the hotel is quite expensive and it is nothing to be making light of. I talked to a guy in the office and he talked about staying in the Malmaison in Newcastle and being charged for toothpaste.

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So in the spirit of the my reading of the connected company –

‘Customers are adopting disruptive technologies faster than your company can adapt. When your customers are delighted, they can amplify your message in ways that were never before possible. But when your company’s performance runs short of what you’ve promised, customers can seize control of your brand message, spreading their disappointment and frustration faster than you can keep up.’

I write about my experience so that the Malmaison can improve its customer experience. My message to you Malmaison – I am looking forward to going to the much more basic Britannia Sachs hotel on Tibb street because it might actually do things properly and not lose sight of being  hotel because it has notions about itself.

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